I feel so proud to be .........

Written on : 29th Sept.'10

I feel so proud to be .........

It’s great having positive people around ALL THE TIME!! I consider myself to be a very lucky person to have this. I feel so proud & so lucky to be surrounded with happy going & positive ppl..

I am kind of person who is very easy going & loves to enjoy life to the fullest rather than thinking who did what, who said what, fault finding, and all that crab-- I believe it's a big time waste.. I have always tried to avoid negative people, depressing movies or books, and anything that would bring me down. I want to feel good and balanced having good and happy relations with all.
And I feel so lucky that in life I have always got close to people who have this attitude too.. Be it my family or my friends..

Today morning in office on breakfast we were talking abt. CWG & ayodhya verdict. I had strong views abt. the negative publicity being done by media for CWG & wrong timing for giving ayodhya verdict. My views were very strong and negative.. I was angry with media & govt. for putting down our country's name and all that stuff .. I was feeling as if someone is attacking me personally, when making comments on our country.. My view was that whatever has happened related to CWG preparations is not correct, but at this pt. of time, we all should stand united as one country.

While talking and discussing with friends, I suddenly realized that my thoughts had starting changing.. There were many counter arguments from others which challenged my thought process.. the points & thoughts which came from them were so different & so positive that it changed my complete paradigm of looking at these two hottest news.. I had never thought in that perspective.. I had not weighted pros n cons of the 2 topics in the direction which were so positive and so true.. It not only changed my perspective of seen these 2 news, but I got many life impacting thoughts also..

The very thought that came to my mind after this small 20 min. discussion was that this is the strength of our group- we just don’t let anyone find fault from others, i.e. be it any person or any system. Indeed yes, our entire group is like this- that we are always being positive, be it on any topic.. If one is in critising mode, immediately others will take the charge & put one is correct perspective. Earlier I had seen this happening in personal & professional topics, but today I saw it happening on common/social issues as well.. My friend circle is like my extended family and I feel proud that my biological family and extended family are identical.

Same thing is in my family also.. whenever we have thought of negative about something, or critised someone or talked ill of someone, my parents have changed our perspective and have taught us to give benefit of doubt to others always.. I remember, in our younger days, my mom used to tell us that accept people as they are, you can't change them.. but if you'll crib on their nature & attitude, you'll spoil yourself only. I still remember that she used to tell that these negative talks, gossips are time wasters and once you get into this, you'll be trapped.. So, if you want to grow in life, learn and practice raising yourself to a higher level.. Always see positive in others behaviors.. and still if you feel something is wrong, then say that i'll not do this in my behavior to others..

To my surprise, when I did Art of living's basic course, there also we were taught that accept people and situation as they are ..
And indeed, this is true also, negativity just takes off all your energy, makes you feel low and in general life slows down.. Rooting with such kind of people & talks, is like no-win situation.. I feel, with so negative attitude, in the end, one is left with nothing but just total dis-comfort in life..

I have always maintained distance from the people who make me more stressed or create a lot of negativity in my life through their talks & attitude. It’s always on us that we may want to consider decreasing the amount of time we spend with such kind of people. Some people almost seem to like to dwell in negativity. That is their choice. But, then it’s my choice if I want to participate or not, and I have always chosen the later. I prefer to hang out more with relaxed and non-stressed people.. both in real life and by watching/listening to CDs and DVDs. And, Luckily, I have been blessed with very good family & very good social circle who help in detoxification :)

In last few years, over my interaction with people, I have realized that now society has really changed for good and betterment. With my interest in psychology, I have bad habit of reading and analyzing human behavior :) And, what I have felt is that now majority of the people are more drawn towards having fun, lighter moments, good, intellectual and healthy talks, rather than who’s-who & mother-in-law gossips ;) .. I see people are so involved in growing & raising their levels in life, that these things are big time-wasters for them. Everyone wants to be knowledge bank having awareness of everything under the sun.

The glass can be half empty or half full, and I prefer the latter. I believe that we have to focus on what is right, and good, within us & in others. Noone is perfect, but everyone has something or other positive and I am proud that my upbringing and my social circle has taught me to see at least that 1 out of 99 perfection in others and appreciate them for that ..

It's easier said than done.. It takes good effort to be positive in every situation, to feel good abt. everything.. etc. etc. Anyhow, as it is said that Positive Thinking & good attitude is contagious & being surrounded by winners helps you develop a winner in you.. Just an attitude change is all that is needed.. I may not surrounded by hero’s and models, but everyone in my circle(be it family or friends) is a role model or hero for others, in some sense or other. So, I am sure with so many good and positive people around, I am bound to have happy life.

[A THOUGHT] What’s in a surname?

I was recently going through an article in TOI abt. girls surname change post marriage. I was surprised to read that now many of the girls have protested to this practice and they insist on carrying their paternal surname post marriage. Major arguments to support this are related to identity issues.. & for few it’s paper work issue.

I am not married yet.. but still I have a thought to share on the topic. By reading my arguments, some people may call me 21st century old fashioned.. but .. anyways, that’s my way value system.. blend of modern & traditional but flexible !!

I actually don’t understand this identity thing.. Does surname define your identity? Does the actual identity of any woman (Indian women at least) stay the same after marriage?

This should not be the matter of ego. It is not a matter of showing respect or dis-respect to your husband or to your new family .. I mean these are not the things that define your emotions towards them.. to me it is like a sense of belongingness .. I have left my family behind & now I am here .. part parcel & member of your family completely .. The idea is to have a common family name. It doesn’t make sense that each member of the family has a different name.

Here, the question is not of individual identity, but of family identity in society. The surname is to represent the family in society. After marriage girl leaves her family and goes on to stay with her husband’s family.. so society would then on accept her & know her as a member of boy’s family. So, now girls it is upto us … if we still want to stand for our individual identity or for our family’s identity. To me certainly, family identity is more important than self identity.

As I understand & feel, marriage is a new birth of a girl. Post marriage, after all, girl when she enters new family, she adopts new environment, new people, new family.. a new person in her life – then his family traditions, culture, value system all become part of girl’s life -- actually her new identity… & over a period of time she evolves as a new person… emotionally, mentally & psychologically. By heart & soul she becomes a part of the new family .. if a girl can do all this & much more & continues to do all this life long unconditionally .. then what’s in a surname .. why can’t she accept a name.

I too think of equality.. but where it makes significance. Talk of equality in education, rights, freedom, profession, respect, expression.. places where it will matter & effect.. but what’s in the name ? Being educated, independent, 21st century women.. all is one thing.. education teaches to become more mature in thought & not rebellious in thought .. it gives u tools to logically understand values & traditions .. but not change rules & values which have no –ve impact.

For sure, value systems amend over time & if they will not, then, society would degenerate and stagnate. But before challenging traditional value system, it would be intelligent to question the need for change & also question arena of change- Is our value system really old-fashioned, or do we need to change some common practices that are plaguing our society in their current form? If we really want to challenge something.. let’s challenge dowry system, female infanticide, etc …….

Modern day women is educated, independent, more confident -- in their own personal capacity they may have become more articulate & self-determined, both in and out of the house, which though makes her technically equal partner, but biologically and psychologically she needs to belong to a man. Before marriage she is under the protection of her father & after she is married, she is under the protection of her husband. The husband is responsible of her care & well being. So, there is nothing wrong in adopting the husband's surname.

If identity is in a name .. then for me name is something more precious than surname!! You know me by my name as do all my friends and acquaintances. Does it matter what my surname was pre-marriage?

To counter the argument of technical formalities involved in surname change.. I would just say that few days or months of mere paper work is worth the emotional gain one would get out of this change.

I am not married yet, but when I do, honestly I would like to change my surname.. as I think apart from other things, it also gives an one family feel. I do like my present surname though, but I would like my husband, myself & our kids, all to have the same surname. Emotions and feelings are more important than name or any materialistic thing which over a period of time loses its significance…

India has a very beautiful family culture.. let’s not destroy it because we are “educated, modern & independent” .. Let’s keep our culture alive!!

These are just my feelings & anyone & anybody is open to feel otherwise :)

[AOL] POWER_OF_OUR_GURUJI

4th Feb.'08
Jai Guru Dev ..
Yesterday it was around 12 in the night & we were coming back from a marriage. We were 8 people & were coming backhome in a hired Qualis. Driver was driving very rash. Despite of our repeated request, he was driving fast, soinbetween don't know how many times he over took from wrong direction & what all & what not.
We were standing at IIT Red light & suddenly few guys opened the driver door of our qualis & started beating himmercilessly. They took out the car keys & were abusing him a lot. We didn't knew what had actually happened & in notime, we were part of a bad road rage. Papa were also sitting at front seat & we were very scared, they might haveattacked him also. We were too scared to speak anything, as, they were drunk & were very dangerous. But, then Papa &Driver starting saying sorry & accepted the mistake(still don't know what the mistake was) .. Finally, a guy fromthere group only, tried to sought out the scene & took those guys away.
But, as soon as they went, they rushed back again & again started hitting & absuing him. Those guys terribly deadly..real gundas.. Driver might have ober taken them also .. as they were again & again saying how dare u .. Somehow, wemanaged to drive away from that point .. but the guys followed us in their car.. now we were terribly scared .. & sowas our driver .. he said they are following us & now they will not leave us ..
They came by side of our car & were waving & shouting from their car. And with our hearts full of fear.. we startedcalling our guruji .. we would have hardly said Jai GuruDev just thrice or five times, and we saw that, that car tooka quite u turn from the near by cut & we anyway had to come straight.. Car waas following us from IIT till AIIMS &the moment we said Jai Guru Dev, car was gone .. and then they were seen no where around.
More than a sense of relief.. we were just amazed to see that how guruji instantly protected us .. and only thingthat came to my mind was .. this is power of our guruji !!
He is just a Jai Guru Dev call away ..
Jai Guru Dev ......
Lippika.

[TRIP] Mussorie

I wrote this on 21st Sept. 2002, exactly a year after we went for a trip to Mussorie (my fav. place)!!

This was one of the most most memorable trip & we had so much so much fun ........

Our office gang .. Amit(Bhansali), Anuj, Ashu, Priya, Archana, Rekha, Dipali & Me (Ofcourse), went for a very short 2 day to Mussorie. We started on 21st Sep. Friday night & came back on 24th Sep. Monday morning ......... but this weekend became a really memorable weekend!!

This blog is written in a slightly different way .. rather than describing everything as a series of events, I have just gathered glimpse of the most memorable moments written in mail by all who went for the trip ..... Read on !!

**************
Hi all,

Remember what we all were doing same time year back...........

Snapshots of sweet memories of our Mussorie trip in September 2001.....

1. when archana came running from her make up room (in that mussorie special attire)
while all of us were practicing shooting and asked us to take her photograph... the way we asked her to wear goggles and how she made up her hair by looking into a window pane...

2. When we did horse riding and were allowed to make our horses run... I want to learn hosre-riding now.......... Anuj

3 . when archana was about to go to the receptionist in Dehradun Hotel for
Cloak room,& priya was stopping & Ashu was about to faint!!!!!That was
really funny!!!!!!!

4. when archana called the reception from the room , she said "I need
some help"

5. then she sgain called and said "Rakesh ko bhej do"

6. When at Season's Restraunt Archana stood on the sofa & was doing
situp's , saying sorry.

7. As Lippika was playing archana's bahu it was quite natural for her to
ask..."aap beta to batate nahi ho ki kaun hai" at this archana replied
"jab mujhe baap ka nahi pata to tujhe bete ka kaise bata doon"

8. waise woh train me "....per" wala incident bhi mazedaar tha...

9. chana ne jab TV tune kar ke khushiya manaayi thi aur dekha to
ehsaas hua ki woh "....per" ki hi advertisement thi...

10. In the train when Archana acted for the movie "NAJAAYAZ", and i
acted for the movie of Govinda by reffering to Lippika's green suit.

11. One more interesting event happened with Dipali in bus while
returning from Dehradun, as she was looking every DHABHA
in hope that bus would stop there. But finally Dipali got place
in PANIPAT(0Km) and was feeling so relexed that i think was
memorable event of her life.

12. Kite flying dance on the corner of a road while coming back from Mussorie to Dehradun..... it was so much fun!!

13. Campty falls & priya clicking photographs from a height of god knows whose in an attempt to click photgraphs of Amit, Anuj & Ashu :)

14. Nostalgic moments at gunhill.

15. Our mad love for MOMO's ...... steamed momo's then fried momo'd then ice-cream(despite of chilly winds) then pan then again momo's .. going back to hotel & then again sending Anuj & Ashu to buy MOMO's !!

16. So Dipali what about your wound, heeling ? Heeled ?? or can't
be heeled ??? Any help needed ????

"ALL WOUNDS HEEL BUT THIS WOUND NEVER HEELS"
"ALL WOUNDS HEEL BUT THIS WOUND NEVER HEELS"

Because this wound is VERYYYYYYYYYYY
DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1........... Archana

HAAAN Bhai HANNN POLLUTED MIND ANUJ !!!!!!!!!! ----------- Archana

Ab ismain kya tha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --------- Dipali

last but not the least :

Hello All
It' was indeed a great time with all of u.
We ENJOYED... a lot....
The rough estimate of our expenses are
1500*8 = 12000
Balance = 300
Balance of chary's gift = 100
Total Balance = 400
Please, come to me for further details of expenses.
Thanks Everybody for lovely contribtion to make this trip
A MEMORABLE TRIP.
-- Ashu Talwar

Oops b/w all this I forgot, Dipali's ladies sangeet,
Archana's Portfolio,
Priya falling down every now & then,
All doing kite flying dance on road ,
Archana about to break water jug while doing kambakt ishq,

Amit singing for Aplana " Kab maine ye soocha tha chand si mehbooba............" ,

Rekha's shero-shayari........ &

best of "SATTU" ,

the best antakshayari while come back from mussorie in Sumo, &

On the top of it when everyone got disturbed in the bus all night while back home........ remember how we started with singing bhajans when bus started bhajans & ended with some funny movie songs that too on scolding of fellow passengers :)

etc. etc.etc.............

Hope u all the enjoyed the flash back Mussorie -- 2001............

[TRIP] DHARAMSALA-DALHOUSIE DAY1

It is said : better late than never.. so though I am only few months late, but still going by the thought I am posting this blog :)
*********************************************************************************

"Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember."

After loads of planning, finally the day came when we had to leave for our trip to Dharamsala. Everything was in place & we all were set to leave. After a nice dinner, we were waiting for the cab, which was supposed to come around 12:00 in the night. Luckily cab was on time & with all enthusiasm we boarded the cab. All bye byes & good lucks were done & then to our utter disappointment, cab didn't start :(( It subdued our enthusiasm and we planned to wait for another cab, which was scheduled to come within an hour. Finally an hour's wait lasted for 4 hour's when the same cab turned up at 5 in the morning. Though it was a big relief to Anuj, who could complete his serene sleep, but poor other's, who I guess had a bad time stretching legs here & there. After lot of confusion, whether to take this cab or not, we decided to take risk & move ahead. This is what I would say "Man proposes god disposes"….. Sambit I know ur reaction!! We tried our level best to start our journey in the night to save some good 4-6 hours, but god wanted otherwise & we left in the same cab, with same driver in the morning, instead of night..... and surprisingly there was no problem with cab.

We made a move around 5:20 A.M from Lippika’s place to Anuj's place to pick up Sambit & Anuj. On one hand we were bit sad that we have wasted 4-6 hours & on the other hand, happiness on Anuj's face of completing an uninterrupted sleep was worth noticing. After a nice tea at Anuj's place, it was time again to say bye & finally make a move for our final destination. Thank god! this time it was final bye bye and cab didn’t gave any surprises J !! But, oh god! These girls always leave some work or the other for the last minute...... Shweta & Lippika were short of money, so we had to halt in-between at the ATM and soon after that we were on the roads for a great trip ahead.

Little fun, some gossip, some teasing, some humor & lots of sms jokes courtesy Anuj’s mobile kept our journey lively!! With Anuj around one can never miss naughty humor. It was around 8:30A.M.when we reached our breakfast destination at Havelli in Karnal. Thanks to Dipali for suggesting such a nice place. It was an old Havelli turned into a typical Punjabi restaurant. Interiors & Exteriors were very well done and gave a feel of a traditional village life. Even in the early hours of the day, Shweta was too keen to for shopping, so while others kept themselves busy enjoying the place, Lippika & Shweta were off for shopping...... so what if they were just doing window shopping!! But, I guess guys only pretend that they hate shopping, as, while Amit was busy planning with Aayush; Sambit & Anuj too joined the girls for shopping..... I mean window shopping. Sambit was glad to see her two old girlfriends there….. in the form of figurine!! And so photo session was obvious…… A well, two beautiful women with Sambit in between……. I hope Anuj will give rest to his witty mind, as no pun is intended here.

Well, all were set for some great food and actually relished the Punjabi food there. While everyone was busy enjoying their feast, no one become aware that Shweta-Aayush love story had started!! Thank God! Later in the trip, everyone realized, otherwise poor Shweta and Aayush!! (Aayush is Amit-Alpana’s 1.5yr old son J )

And then we were back on the wheels. This time sitting arrangement changed somewhat & card lovers settled themselves at the back. While Lippika & Anuj as always stayed aloof from cards, Alpana a big card lover had to stay away from playing because of Aayush….. baby sitting u see J God knows what game these guys were playing; with the level of noise one could well imagine some tug of war going at the back. And in the whole episode, best part was that though Alpana was not playing, but she never missed a chance to cheer up Amit, or shout for him in his win!

Game of cards gave way to long lasting antakshri with Sambit, Lippika & Anuj in one team & happy family I mean Shweta, Amit, Alpana & Aayush (Of course) in another. There was a big tussle going on to search songs on “K” “H” & “G”. Winning team was obvious, with Lippika in their team, Sambit & Anuj too got flavor of victory J But, I would be doing complete injustice for not giving Shweta her due credit for singing really marvelous songs….. Especially old and rare nos.

Slowly it was getting hot & we were getting somewhat tired of long journey. And now it was time for break, lunch break. After having lunch at some roadside Dhaba in hoshirpur (Punjab), we started again for our final destination.

Here the roads were not so good but we were able to drive at the steady speed so as to reach height before sunset. But, it was far impossible. Slowly, the sun was going down and our energy levels too. Though we covered major distance in evening but still by the time we reached height, it was past seven. Since Dharamsala did not have anything to see we directly headed to Mcleodganj. McLeod Ganj is 13kms from Dharamsala and it has the monastery and palace of His Holiness Dalai Lama.

By around 9:30P.M. we got settled in the hotel. There was no time to relax, so within minutes we all got ready and straight away rushed to have great tibetan food!! It was a nice restaurant & food too was awesome. The menu carefully catered to both Indian and Chinese cuisine, and we savored the delicacies of both worlds. Weather was cool , and steaming hot Momo’s ……..ah! no comparison with Delhi stuff!! Well, on the whole it was a fairly substantial dinner.

We all were too tired to even talk any further, and so it was for siesta. As per our plan, we decided to go for a walk and visit to church next morning. With anticipation of great morning ahead we went to sleep.

DAY2 : COMING SOON.. promise this time it will not take months to come :)

[OFFICIAL] 31DAYS@NEW GROUP

3^rd Aug. 2006

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3^rd April 2000 I joined ST in Memories team and 3^rd July 2006 I moved from Memories team to TCD team. 3^rd and 3^rd ..What a co-incidence.. Seems 3^rd is lucky for me!!

Today it's been a month since I moved to my new group. First month is over now and I can comfortably say that I'm enjoying easing into my new role. After working for last 6years as a BE developer in memories, now I’m going to specialize on certification flow.

Coming out of comfort zone is not an easy task and initially I was scared that whether I will be able to adjust to the new group or not. After all, I spent 6 years in my previous group. It's from where I started my career, learnt all about work, gained technical know-how, grew both professionally and personally, lived to many twists and turns.

Those product development cycles, shrinking technologies, those deadly deadlines, the deliveries, the staybacks, striving on weekends to achieve targets, qa reviews, everyday opening ddts mails with a fear of seeing bug in my submitted product, so many friends .. rather my first set of friends in this office, many PL’s, some times anger, sometimes dis-satisfaction, the feeling of achievement..... everything is but a beautiful memory of “memories”

My fear was baseless….. I hardly took anytime in settling in my new group. Everyone was so welcoming that I never felt out of place or new in the group. I made equal efforts to get myself accepted in the group. I compromised with the seat, PC, cubicle….. just to be in the close proximity of my new group. I had an option to continue working for some time from old seat, which was somewhat far off from my new group, but I preferred to make a compromise, than to remain in my comfort zone.

I can say without hesitation that it was an inspired decision. Though I feel as I have become a fresher again, my new learning curve has started. Once again I am back to prove myself. Everything is new, the culture, the work, environment, people, just everything….. except ofcourse company & the floor :)

Last weeks were really amazing! I learned lots of new things in all these days. Every day comes with new interesting things to grab. Not much of work pressure at present, though mental pressure of proving self-worth is always there. Initial two weeks were predominantly training, but soon after that I got my first project and that too on IO’s……. Being a “memory” person, I had tough time struggling with two unknown’s, one IO’s and second, flow to certify IO’s. I was blank when I started that project, but tons of thanks to my mentor & to my trainer who really helped me out with the task at hand, not just by helping with the flow, but also inspiring me all the time. Everyday I ask them many queries and doubts, and they explain patiently all I want to know, and much more. Here, people are more than ready to help you.

The atmosphere is very relaxed and it's brilliant to be able to have a giggle in between looking for that perfect solution. I have noticed that whatever ideas you bounce to others, don’t go unheard. There is always someone to give you a patient ear and a helping hand.

Though I feel that I am still not able to keep off my distractions completely, but I suppose that is because still I need to give real structure to my day.

I really pray that things will continue to work out well in future and hope my first impression always remains last impression.

[MOTIVATOR] No Permanent Failure.

28th July'06

There is no permanent failure

Recently while reading about fear’s and phobia’s I came across a very good excerpt:

“Lord Nelson, England’s famous naval hero suffered from seasickness throughout his life. Needless, to say, the man who destroyed Napoleon’s fleet did not let it interfere with his career. He conquered his sea sickness on his own and let others not know about it.”

If we watch carefully deep inside, most of us have our own little seasickness too, in some aspect of our life or other. For some it may be physical, for other’s it may be psychological. Usually it is a private war carried out quietly within ourselves. No one will pin a medal on us for winning it, but nothing can dim the satisfaction of knowing we did not surrender.

Every one of us is suffering from some problem or the other. We tend to think that we are special individuals born with misfortunes. But, how often we did not know or ignore how others have really conquered and made the best of the situations.

In Art of living they teach us to become a child….. and this will only make you as happy as a child.

Remember, when we were small, how many times did we fumbled while talking steps. Every time a child fumbles while walking, he starts afresh with new determination and confidence. Have you ever seen a child sitting down after a slip? Infact, his energy level is so high that he is in a rush to stand up immediately and starts to walk again with same enthusiasm. From crawling, to walking, to running..their determination seems unstoppable.That’s precisely should be the attitude towards life!! We often get dis-heartened with our failures and forget to give a new start. This not only subdues our enthusiasm, but weakens our inner potential also. We just have become a child and that’s enough to set the pace!

Every difficulty, every handicap, every failure has given us nothing but a lesson to become stronger and a more accomplished person. Just for once if we try to analyze the situations, we will realize that it is these situations and circumstances only which have shaped us the way we are today. So use your experiences, since they make you unique…but don’t ever generalize. If you have failed at something…try again. And this is positive thinking in practice and in reality.

Failure is nothing but a state of mind……… a state when we surrender and refuse to challenge the situations. Just for one, if we gather our inner strength and stand with grim determination, success is not far behind.

From my experience, I can say “there is no permanent failure”. Success is simply mandatory. There can be delays to success but no denials………. Wait n watch, best is coming your way and my way too:)

[OFFICIAL] First Party in New Group.

26th July'2006

Today I went to my first party in new work group. It’s going to be a month now since I joined this group, but didn’t have much interaction with everyone in the group. So, I was bit reluctant to go for the party. Moreover, it was a project party to celebrate success of all the projects which have completed in last six months, so I thought it made no sense for me to go for this party when I have not worked in any project. But, the way everyone asked me to join in for the party despite of my refusal was very heartening and so I went ahead for the party.

It was a nice lunch in Stellar Gymkhana club, greater noida. Weather and beautiful rainfall added charm to the mood of the party. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it, though my interaction restricted with small group of people whom I knew well.

Bit of gossip, some jokes, some laughter and nice food were enough to keep us tuned for the party mood. Title giving ceremony was also scheduled for the occasion. Some nice and witty titles were given to many people …… Some of the titles I liked were Mr. Question Mark for the guy who always ready with the set of queries and questions; Mr. Hungry Kya for the guy who loves food like anything! Miss. Elegant, Miss. Shy Part I & Part II, MR. Noble for the guy who is really involved in lot of social activities, MR. Cool Dude and MR. Tea Coffee!

Our SM made sure that he interacted with everyone present in the party not just once but twice or thrice. He went on all tables and indulged himself in informal chat with every group. I feel that was a really nice gesture…… simple and effective :)

When I was in my old group, I used to think that it’s only our group where we have fun, parties’ n celebrations. But, actually I was wrong, it’s nothing like that. To be honest, I liked this small get together better than many of the parties we had in our group. It is not the food and place that make difference, but I guess it is the hospitality and attitude of people that make or break the mood!!

If I allow myself of not being modest this time, then I would also compliment myself for putting that small effort to get accepted in the group. I guess it’s important to find one’s feet in the place where one is planted…….Old is gold - preserve it, but we should not forget that new is silver waiting to be turned into gold….. Nice philosophy.. No?? Has to be after all it’s my creation, and I try to follow this also……. I pray I never fail in this!!

One should accept to get accepted is my theory and I felt it helped today.

Though I was altogether new in the group but not even for once I felt out of place or abandoned…….. I felt a conscious effort was made to make very one feel comfortable. I enjoyed this informal induction program :) after a formal induction.

[D-TO-D] Are we so Selfish?

16th May'2006

Today I was talking to one of my friends. She as very upset and her tears were beyond control. She was bitterly crying and her body was numb. I was short of words to console her. Unlike other times, this time it was not fear of death that was bothering her, but this it was her insecurity that was killing her. Her prolonged illness has not only affected her physical health but has also affected her emotional well being. She is slowly trying to accept her medical state, but has no control over her emotional state. The belief that no one loves her, people have started maintaining distance with her has taken deep roots in her heart. She was frustrated and disgusted. I don’t know whether it is right or it is her mis-conception, but she somehow feels that everyone, her colleagues, her friends, husband, family, parents and now even kids are going away from her and all have started disliking her. Today all my efforts to console her went futile.

After meeting her, way back to my seat, I was generally trying to analyze the situation. I tried to figure out that what is wrong and where. To most of questions, I get answer from within. To this problem, the answer that I got didn’t solve my doubts, but rather confused me.

What I realized was that, it is her basic nature that is creating problem for her. She is a very open person & freely discusses her problems, concerns etc. with people around her. And, now, when these days she is totally dis-heartened with her illness and is completely broken in heart, she more easily and frequently speaks out her heart when anyone enquires about her health or general well-being. With the little knowledge of psychology I have, I guess it is the natural human tendency that if one is insecure inside, then he tries to find some comfort level or empathy outside by speaking their heart out, which can somewhat boost their confidence level. Basically, one becomes so much weak emotionally, that they don’t have control over emotions. But, only few people, who hear the sufferers ply, understand their state of mind; whereas others show their resentment over the diseased state. I guess this is the reason why people want to circumvent talking from her.

I didn’t want to comment on whose right and who’s wrong, but I surely got my lesson from here. I learned that if you want people to love you, be with you, talk to you, then you have to be positive in your attitude, in your manners. You will have to be non-complaining and avoid cribbing. One needs to create positive vibes around themselves, so that people don’t keep away from them. Anyways negativity always repels.

Though, I took this learning, but I got really confused with the answer that I got from inside my heart. I understand that today life has become very complex and that everyone is engrossed in handling their own apprehension and problems, but isn’t it inhumane that we don’t even have a sympathetic ear to someone’s problem.

This reminded me of some very good lines I read in the book "Monk who sold his ferrari", which says: We might not be able to control the weather or the traffic or the moods of all those around us. But, we most certainly can control our attitude towards these events.

If we can’t offer a helping hand or solution, then at least we can try to speak two kind words to lighten someone’s burden. Aren't we becoming too selfish…… though we can’t contribute significantly to improve someone’s medical state, but at least we can do our level best to give someone mental and emotional peace and if not much, just not ignore the one in need!!

God forbids, but we never know when we will be in need of such a shoulder and then if world turns same to us then ……….

[D-TO-D] Whose duty is it anyway?

Few days back in a general coffee table discussion with a friend, a topic came up that whether we will be able to pass our culture, our language etc. to our future generations or not? Whether we will be able to teach them a very basic thing as our own mother tongue or not?

I feel answer to this question is not very simple. Infact, answer lies in the question, that, are we ready to keep our culture alive? Are we ready to take initiative in upholding our family traditions, values, language and culture? And most important do we really feel the need to do so?

According to me, answer to the last question will answer all other questions. If we will feel the need, then first we will ourselves take initiative to learn & explore and then teach & share with our future generations. Four basic things – LEARN, EXPLORE, TEACH & SHARE together make “LETS”. The moment you will feel the need, “LETS” will on its own come the next moment.

If I don’t have respect for my culture, my traditions, my language, it’s obvious that I will never feel the need to pass it on ahead. If I want to teach my kids my language, then how much do I know my language? Or rather how much do I respect my language?

But, is it really important to pass our culture and heritage ahead?

Well I feel YES! It is not only our responsibility, but our moral duty to let our heritage survive. If we let our roots die, then even our downfall will not be far away. We must not refuse to acknowledge the fact that there is bound to be a problem in absence of lack of culture know-how. Rebellious attitude, lashing-out, increasing crime rate etc. are some of the most commonly faced problems.

My teachings tell that, traditions give the ability to take moral values and translate them into concrete actions. I feel it is our duty to showcase our unique culture to our generation next for preservation. We not only need to pass down our culture to the next generation, but also teach them to respect and cherish our past, honor their roots.

I feel the need to pass down the traditions and customs that I have learned from my elders to my generations to come and that is the reason why I follow them so religiously with great respect. I would not like my future generations to grow in an environment of cultural gap. They should not view us as foreigners.

Our traditions are dying today not because the generation next doesn’t want to learn, but because we don’t want to give up a few minutes of our time to teach them about our culture. Due to a lack of devotion to our traditions, a lot of our religious culture is lost. A small insight reveals for us to see what remains of the old culture, what's in it that is still valued because it can still nourish and enrich us. And this insight is the motivation to move ahead.

When it comes to language, I understand that mother tongue may not be used as literacy language, and moreover not knowing mother tongue will not hamper academic or professional growth in anyway. But there are certain things which are above literacy, academics and growth. Speaking own mother tongue gives a sense of belongingness. Moreover, it helps to keep cultural identity and heritage alive.

It's not an easy choice ….. We need to have recognition of the connections we need to share with next generation. We as elders should know what we have to teach and how we teach and they both should be profoundly influenced by our vision of the future. Which means even we need to give our own personal vision of the future much conscious thought.

Even though we observe the world changing all around us, but our instincts still tell us to think and act as if the future will be pretty much like the past … and as if our own personal experience will provide a useful guide for our children and our students.

It is important for our children to understand the past.

I don’t deny the fact that it is all the more essential for us to teach children about the world of the future… the world in which they will live 50 years from now. But, it's even more important that they understand the world in which they are living today and about the past world that has formed the basis of the present world. Past forms the basis of a strong future. One can’t master vocabulary without knowing alphabets. Designs & Architectures of the buildings may change, but placement of foundation never changes.

If we say that we don’t want to pass on our heritage ahead implies that we don’t appreciate our own life and so do not want to see it getting reflected.

To conclude I would say that learning & then teaching our culture and our heritage to future generation is nothing but a blend of somber reflection and celebration for the future. It will be recognition to our older generations, a salute to their teachings and valuable souvenir of the generations to come.

Choice is completely ours – a true life or a superficial life??

[D-TO-D] HECTIC but GRATIFYING DAY.

I generally hate repetitiveness & whenever I do something different from daily agenda, I feel very happy & full of life. Yesterday was a very hectic day. It is not that I am not used to such hectic schedules, but yesterday was very fruitful & at the end of the day even after being so tired, I was very relaxed & satisfied. Sometimes, small things give us so much contentment & pleasure.

Yesterday I had pile to activities to be done, so I decided to take a day-off from office to complete my tasks. I had to submit my IETE project synopsis & my examination form & it was last day…… I know I have very bad habit of procrastinating things & finally stress myself in the end. But somehow this time it was my office project which kept me busy and so I couldn’t finish up things before time, again an excuse probably to hide my laziness. Anyways, but a day before yesterday, in the late evening I got a call from my cousin Priyanka, in agra, telling that she needs her class XIIth class reference books urgently. The only way to send her the books was to give books to her brother Monu, who was coming for his Infosys interview in greater noida. So, instantly my plan of taking a day-off was cancelled. If submitting my project report & form was important, then giving her books was altogether more urgent & important.
So, right in the morning like any other day, I was in office. I had to complete my project synopsis, take print outs, fill forms & even make CV of my project guide & this all took almost 2hrs. Not only project synopsis had to be finalized, but I had to get it reviewed also. Thanks to amit_c who instantly helped me & checked my complete synopsis & even helped me in brainstorming a new name of my project. But, time always proves that murphy’s laws exist; and it happened with me too. Finally when I was ready with everything, my project guide amit_b was missing for final signatures, his last minute meeting kept him busy. My mistake I shouldn’t have stacked up things for the last moment….. old habits are hard to die!! So, I finally started from my place around 11. In the mean time I tried hard to contact my cousin, but he was by no means reachable, as he was busy with his written test. Imagine the situation, he was not reachable, I didn’t knew the name of the college he was in (I only knew that he is in knowledge park III), I had to give him books by all means today, submit my report in far end of noida & then go all the way to Lodhi road to submit my form and all this to be done before 5 in the evening. Again, I would say my mistake, I spoke to my cousin atleast eight times yesterday, but didn’t ask name of the college.

And then, I was in bank for making the drafts to be submitted with my form & report. Ten minute job took atleast 45minutes!! Ah! A one more sigh of relief, I heard a response from the other end on my cousin’s cell phone. I was bit surprised to hear an elderly female responding on other end….. got scared that may be someone stole his cell or what? Thank god, it was his friend’s mom responding on the other end. Don’t know why such negative thoughts instantly strike mind. I got the address of the college at last & I left my office around twelve noon……… almost two hours late!!

With a big bag of books weighing not less 8-9kgs, I started not knowing in which direction to go for “knowledge park III”. I assumed that I am in knowledge park II & knowledge park III will be somewhere nearby only. But, to my surprise it was around 6-7 km’s far from my place & no conveyance was available. Sun was shining at it’s peak & in the scorching heat of sun, with that heavy bag of books I was walking & walking without any clue where this sector would be. After enquiring from couple of people and getting a disappointing reply, I continued walking in the hope that there will be some map ahead to guide me. It was blistering and I was having a good sun bath, probably an afternoon walk. At last, after walking for around 3 km’s, someone told me that my destination was only 1.5 km’s away….. Sigh of relief. After walking apx. this much distance, I enquired again & came to know that it is not a walk able distance & I should go to rickshaw stand & from there make a move. What a hi-tech city, just to get a rickshaw so that u can save some walk, u need to walk 5km’s…… funny isn’t it !! I thought it must not be too far by rickshaw, but it took me 25 minutes by rickshaw to reach there…….. thank god I didn’t walk this much. It was so hot as though sun will if not shine today, then when will he shine, but I was not incensed; I was just bit tensed that how will I be able to meet my other deadlines.
And then there I was, at my final destination. Unfortunately, I couldn’t meet my cousin as he was still busy with his written test. I handed over the bag of books to the same lady who picked up the phone & waited for some time to check if somehow I can meet my cousin. There was no possibility of meeting him and I had to rush, so that I can catch my 1P.M. office bus to Noida, which I managed to get. I was happy in the end, that, now Priyanka will get her books on time & will be able to do her exams well!!

On the way, I thoroughly enjoyed my travel with genial chat with my bua in Agra. We were discussing my cousins written & interview with infy(infosys). Fear & tension was clear in her voice. I admire the way she kept herself composed & was ready to accept any result. I guess her fear was defensible, after all, it was not just an interview result, but it was future deciding result; not only monu’s future, but also it was going to decide their future. And the way she & jijaji have slogged to raise up their kids to this level is worth rewarding. And, I really admire her endurance; still she was saying that whether he gets this job or not, its okay, atleast he will gain experience. Well, we ended the conversation on a positive note & hope that everything goes fine with him.

So, one task was over and I was satisfied that with my small effort, I could save their money as well as give her books on time.

Now, I was all set to complete my second set of work. Luckily I got my office bus & comfortably I reached Noida around 1:45P.M. Now, I had to go all the way to end of Noida to submit my project synopsis & only way to reach there was again rickshaw and it takes around 40 minutes to reach there. I was too averse to travel all the way to that end, but had no option. Just, by chance, I called up my project guide to tell him that I was coming to submit the report & then he said that I need to submit it directly in Janak Puri. Thank god I proactively enquired before leaving; else one more sun-bath would have sure roasted me. Proactiveness always helps………
Now since, my some time was saved, I thought of going inside old office & meeting some of old friends. After spending some time with them, I started for my next work at Lodhi road. As it was too hot n time was a crunch, so I took an auto & managed to reach my IETE headquarters well on time. To my utter surprise, that place was heavily crowded. There were others also like me, who keep things for the end. Finally, I settled my self in one secluded corner and started filling my form. This was the worst thing that I have gone to submit the form, without even filling it J Anyways, this time fast enough to complete everything, right from filling the form, writing all applications, to getting it attested. But, now it was time for major activity. I had to take some special permission for appearing in electives & practical’s. Today, luck decided to favor me, and things themselves took a smooth and startling path. It is almost impossible to enter examination deptt. & for anything important u need to speak to the concern person over phone only, but I was lucky enough to get access inside examination deptt. & talk directly to head of the deptt., who was patient enough to give ear to my concerns. Luckily, everything got settled in minutes, without me coming to blows for it. When I came out of the centre, I couldn’t believe that I had so many things going in my favor, gosh! I was happy that luck was with!!
It was around half past three, when I came out of DHQ, and by this time I was ravenous, as since morning, only feast my stomach had was a glass of milk & some water. So, I planned to have some nice spicy chaat-pakori at famous shop near upsc, which also happened to be on my way to cp from where I had to catch metro, to reach another end of Delhi. But, I guess today food was not made for my plate…… after reaching upsc, I realized the shops were far from the main road & going alone there was not good. I finally decided to skip my food there too and went ahead towards CP.

I must say metro rail is a boon for Delhities, especially for long route travels. I took metro from CP to Janak Puri & reached there in just about 40 minutes. From there I took bus to reach my IETE, Local centre. I was lucky enough to reach there just on time and submitted my Project synopsis. Ah! What a relief……… atlast all work done, though I had to travel apx. 80-90Kms. from one end of UP to another end of Delhi……… But, good, it was great!!

On reaching home, I just attacked food to get set in action again, as there was no time for putting feet up……… one really important work for the day was left. Know what ??
Okay, well let me tell. On Sunday night I had a dream in which I saw my dadaji, who is no more. I saw that we were sitting in our old house and talking & he asked me to make a dish called “shahi tukra” He loved sweets & I loved to do anything for him. Next morning when I told this at home, then mummy told me that I should cook what he had asked for & distribute it to poor children. According to hindu mythology, we can serve to our ancestors, who are no more with us, by feeding the poor & needy people. So, today was Tuesday & many children sit outside temple in the evening. Though I was completely drained, but still this was the highest priority & had to do it. So, I cooked the dish & went to temple for the distribution to children. I was so satisfied & happy while distributing! Whether truth or myth, I don’t know, but I believed that it will reach my dadaji, sure not in the form of food, but certainly in the form of satisfaction to soul, that through his desire, few needy people could fill their stomach. For me also, it was more satisfying that, I fulfilled my dadaji’s desire.

And something really exciting was in store for the day………. Monu called up to tell that he had cleared his Infoysis written exam. What was more thrilling was that out of 1200 students who appeared, he was in top10. The time between his written result to interview, as much tough for all of us here, as much as for him there & for his parents in agra. And, soon after his interview, when he again called up, his first words were, “Didi result will be declared later, but I have got it”, there was no doubt in his voice. He was almost sure to get through his selection procedure. We all only knew how important it was for him to get this job, and thank god, everything went well with him, hard work and good deeds always pay.

So, the day finally came to an end……… completely gratifying in every sense of the word.

[TRIP] Mystical Experience.

High altitudes have always been a symbol of the spiritual quest.

I was in Dalhousie with my friends. It was a nice pleasant morning and an experience to be awake and being in lap of nature before the Sun was quite refreshing. I wanted to enjoy the nature.s beauty in the freshness of morning sun. I found it too precious to loose while sleeping. No one was up yet & I alone was enjoying the view, the mountains, the pine trees, the brushing morning air and the quiet atmosphere of nature. It was a fantastic. The distant snow covered mountain peaks gave a spectacular view. Suddenly it struck that one of the mountain was an almost perfect silhouette of Lord Shiva. The effect it produced was an almost mesmerizing effect. My mind dwelled upon the majestic figure of the Lord Shiva.

The scene was both calming and inspiring. The beauty soothed the mind. That peak stood distinctly out against the morning sky. I sat there for quite sometime watching the sight. I was lost in profound contemplation.
Suddenly, a monkey appeared from nowhere at hotel.s terrace and I had no other option but to rush inside my room. I was too hesitant to loose even a glimpse of Lord Shiva and so, I looked for an appropriate position from my room.s big glass window from where the majestic figure of divinity was clearly visible. I stood there continuously staring at the sacred mountain and meditating on Shiv ji.s charisma.

It was a breath taking; I would call it a truly divine experience. I tried to capture this view in handy cam, but was unable to.

Once monkey was gone, I went out again and settled down in meditative posture and started to turn my rosary continuously chanting "om namah shivay" and then I heard ardas happening somewhere. I tried hard to locate gurudwara from where the voice of ardas was happening. It seemed as though voice was coming from pine forest beneath. Nothing could be as beautiful as that. Two supreme powers in whom my faith has always resided were there with me and I got magnificent spiritual experience. As sun ascended, the silhouette slowing started fading out. But, the impression it left will always remain alive in my mind.

I was reluctance to leave that spot. My thoughts returned again and again to that sacred mountain. Paying my last tributes to Shiv ji with heavy heart we left that place for Khajjiar and from there way back to Delhi. When we were coming back from Khajjiar through Dalhousie, I wanted to visit that place again, just to get one more last glimpse of the sacred mountain. Since, we were short of time, so I didn.task anyone to go there and also it was not easy explaining to others the importance I felt for that place. To my utter surprise, Shweta had left one of her notebooks in the hotel and we had to go to pick that up. I was so happy that my inner desire of getting just one lastglimpse got fulfilled. This time tough, in evening sun, silhouette was not very clear but still presence of divine figure could be felt.Shweta could not get her copy back but I got my last darshan!!

I understand that this revelation might be just a phenomenological experience that generally happens in higher altitudes or it may be just a 3D effect because of rays of sun falling in a particular direction creating imaginary divine figure, but for me it was a truly mystical experience which gave me deeper sense of satisfaction and inner happiness.

[TRIP] It helped me conquer my fear.

The fear of heights became an irrational obsession for me, so bad that I was too frightened to even use an escalator in malls/metro stations etc. So imagine what would happen if someone with that level of fear had to travel in mountains.

Last week I went for a trip with my friends to Dharamsala & Dalhousie. It was not my first trip to hills, I have traveled a lot to hill stations, but over a period of time, my fear has grown stronger & stronger only. This time however, to my surprise it was pretty too much and I don’t know why?

I guess if someone is not scared of altitudes, if they don't have fear of heights, then it's really hard to explain them the phobia of height. Because it is...I know it's irrational. They probably believed that they won’t fall, and there is nothing scary about the roads, trek, height etc., but for me, that fear was killing, an almost unbearable feeling that something unusual is waiting at the next turn……… Although I am a very positive person by nature, but I have always feared death.

In Dharamsala, I missed trekking to Bhagsunath falls. At Bhagsunath falls, a deep valley and thin stream of water-fall greeted us. I never ventured near water-fall, instead I spent some time relaxing at the place and enjoyed the beauty while all others except Amit & Aayush, trekked down to the falls. View was really breath taking and I was enjoying taking shots with my handy cam. The way downwards was bit scary for me and I didn’t had enough confidence that I would be able to reach there. So, I preferred not going to falls. But, then some local people told that we can travel to the point from where the falls originate & according to them it was much simple to go there (at least they felt so!!) So, when others came back, I asked them to go for that trek and all agreed. The trek was simple in a way that you do not need to climb up or down this hilly terrain; it was a straight path upwards but dangerously damaged. One foot here or there, u will be welcomed in heaven :-). Then there was a point at slight height which looked really scary, so I preferred staying back and thought of not going beyond that point. But then Sambit also preferred to stay with me; I didn't felt like spoiling his fun 'coz of me, so I went ahead. I somehow managed to cross that point and went a little ahead, soon after that we saw that trek was becoming difficult and we decided to take a back turn. Way back when we reached that deadly point again, I was stuck!! My fear caught me…..The view of sheer height while crossing was enough to ignite jitters. But that's it. I'm not...I couldn't move any forward..... For once I thought I would jump from there. If I was to crawl and shut my eyes….. Oh, no way! I'm not... There is no way in the world I'm going any further than that. I was shouting Mummy save, Mummy save. I was feeling vulnerable and distressed. May be I was making fun of me, or a funny scene for others, but I was helpless. U won't believe but for once I thought of jumping from there. I felt short of energy and breath. But, thanks to Amit, Sambit & Anuj, with whose help I managed to cross that region. After coming back everyone laughed at me...... and even I laughed at myself (as I believe that it is better to laugh at yourself first before anyone laughs at you, by this u are least hurt) and in a lighter spirit chapter closed.

Throughout the trip, there were many places where I was too scared, but the most deadly, dangerous part was, my travel on the last day of our trip from Dalhousie to Khajjiar. Everyone was enjoying the view, but again my phobia trapped me. My heart beat got rapid and I was getting short of breath and that feeling was really awful..... that was as bad as it gets. As we progressed, the process became more and more like torture. When the railings were lower or non-existent it was more frightening. The paths were steep and treacherous. Each new turn brought a whole new wave of gut-wrenching panic. I shouted, I screamed!! Everyone told me to close my eyes, but …….. no nothing, that will not help, fear was in my mind and in my heart, and only way to escape was closing my thought process. So much negativity became a burden to handle. I could not enjoy the view, the snow clad mountains, Himalayan peaks, the valley, the pine tree forest, the nature, nothing. I was literally into tears. At one point of time, I asked my friends to leave me there only & pick me up on return. Throughout that feeling was awful…..

And now, it got so bad, that everything started messing up. I suddenly realized that my fear, my phobia, my weakness was being made fun of!! I felt bad, really very bad. It was hurting me that my own friends are making fun of my weakness. I felt like insulted on my distressed condition. But, I preferred to keep quite. Everyone thought that I was acting like a kid. I could see my phobia being laughed at and I was feeling very terrible and actually very alone and neglected within my own friends. It was a bad emotional state. I was helpless..... really helpless. I started feeling isolated, may be because I was becoming a spoil sport, probably my screams were disturbing everyone’s mood. I could no longer take all this in lighter spirit, but at the same time didn’t want to react..... why to spoil the mood and fun that too in last stage of such an enjoyable trip!! It's easy to ignore tahn react :)

We enjoyed for sometime in Khajjiar. It was a beautiful place and very scenic. But, again I was feeling very ignored there, but ensured that no one should be able to feel that I am getting hurt. I kept myself busy with handycam capturing scenic beauty. Though I was enjoying, but deep inside fear of returning through same path was there.

And then I thought that I will not let my fear come out, I will not allow anyone any longer to make fun of my fears. I have always believed that everything is state of mind and so now I spent few minutes with my inner self and conditioned my mind. I passed strong instructions to my mind to face the fears. I needed to learn to confront my fears. I must not fear. Sometimes the best approach is to be absolutely determined and force one's body to react despite the fear as an act of willpower.

I prayed to my god, also to my reiki god, covered myself with reiki light and made a firm belief that nothing is going to happen. I prayed to god that he has to take care of me and whatever will happen, will happen with his wish. Now I was in complete sink with him. I told myself that, even if I will be scared, I will kill my reactions, my emotions inside. Not even a single scream should come out of me was my affirmation. My belief was strong, my affirmation was strong, my willpower was strong and this time I was strong and committed to face my fears.

And as the cab started, with a grim determination I started turning my rosary within my fingers. I was reminding myself again & again of my affirmations. This time I too was enjoying the view, the mountains, and the snow-clad peaks. The dense pine forest I feared while going up, but this time I stared them back and said I no longer fear you. I saw every turn, every trail, in face of which I was scared. Though my phobia didn’t leave me completely, but at least I was not awful, especially for others. In several places I just closed my eyes and hoped for the best when we negotiated the twists. Soon, we were back in Dalhousie. The journey that was an unending torture while going looked so small at the time of return.

It was good. I overpowered my fear. I was no longer feeling hurt because of my friends’ attitude, as that only helped me conquer my fears!!!!!!!!

“Whatever happens happens for the best!!”