[D-TO-D] Are we so Selfish?

16th May'2006

Today I was talking to one of my friends. She as very upset and her tears were beyond control. She was bitterly crying and her body was numb. I was short of words to console her. Unlike other times, this time it was not fear of death that was bothering her, but this it was her insecurity that was killing her. Her prolonged illness has not only affected her physical health but has also affected her emotional well being. She is slowly trying to accept her medical state, but has no control over her emotional state. The belief that no one loves her, people have started maintaining distance with her has taken deep roots in her heart. She was frustrated and disgusted. I don’t know whether it is right or it is her mis-conception, but she somehow feels that everyone, her colleagues, her friends, husband, family, parents and now even kids are going away from her and all have started disliking her. Today all my efforts to console her went futile.

After meeting her, way back to my seat, I was generally trying to analyze the situation. I tried to figure out that what is wrong and where. To most of questions, I get answer from within. To this problem, the answer that I got didn’t solve my doubts, but rather confused me.

What I realized was that, it is her basic nature that is creating problem for her. She is a very open person & freely discusses her problems, concerns etc. with people around her. And, now, when these days she is totally dis-heartened with her illness and is completely broken in heart, she more easily and frequently speaks out her heart when anyone enquires about her health or general well-being. With the little knowledge of psychology I have, I guess it is the natural human tendency that if one is insecure inside, then he tries to find some comfort level or empathy outside by speaking their heart out, which can somewhat boost their confidence level. Basically, one becomes so much weak emotionally, that they don’t have control over emotions. But, only few people, who hear the sufferers ply, understand their state of mind; whereas others show their resentment over the diseased state. I guess this is the reason why people want to circumvent talking from her.

I didn’t want to comment on whose right and who’s wrong, but I surely got my lesson from here. I learned that if you want people to love you, be with you, talk to you, then you have to be positive in your attitude, in your manners. You will have to be non-complaining and avoid cribbing. One needs to create positive vibes around themselves, so that people don’t keep away from them. Anyways negativity always repels.

Though, I took this learning, but I got really confused with the answer that I got from inside my heart. I understand that today life has become very complex and that everyone is engrossed in handling their own apprehension and problems, but isn’t it inhumane that we don’t even have a sympathetic ear to someone’s problem.

This reminded me of some very good lines I read in the book "Monk who sold his ferrari", which says: We might not be able to control the weather or the traffic or the moods of all those around us. But, we most certainly can control our attitude towards these events.

If we can’t offer a helping hand or solution, then at least we can try to speak two kind words to lighten someone’s burden. Aren't we becoming too selfish…… though we can’t contribute significantly to improve someone’s medical state, but at least we can do our level best to give someone mental and emotional peace and if not much, just not ignore the one in need!!

God forbids, but we never know when we will be in need of such a shoulder and then if world turns same to us then ……….