[A THOUGHT] What’s in a surname?

I was recently going through an article in TOI abt. girls surname change post marriage. I was surprised to read that now many of the girls have protested to this practice and they insist on carrying their paternal surname post marriage. Major arguments to support this are related to identity issues.. & for few it’s paper work issue.

I am not married yet.. but still I have a thought to share on the topic. By reading my arguments, some people may call me 21st century old fashioned.. but .. anyways, that’s my way value system.. blend of modern & traditional but flexible !!

I actually don’t understand this identity thing.. Does surname define your identity? Does the actual identity of any woman (Indian women at least) stay the same after marriage?

This should not be the matter of ego. It is not a matter of showing respect or dis-respect to your husband or to your new family .. I mean these are not the things that define your emotions towards them.. to me it is like a sense of belongingness .. I have left my family behind & now I am here .. part parcel & member of your family completely .. The idea is to have a common family name. It doesn’t make sense that each member of the family has a different name.

Here, the question is not of individual identity, but of family identity in society. The surname is to represent the family in society. After marriage girl leaves her family and goes on to stay with her husband’s family.. so society would then on accept her & know her as a member of boy’s family. So, now girls it is upto us … if we still want to stand for our individual identity or for our family’s identity. To me certainly, family identity is more important than self identity.

As I understand & feel, marriage is a new birth of a girl. Post marriage, after all, girl when she enters new family, she adopts new environment, new people, new family.. a new person in her life – then his family traditions, culture, value system all become part of girl’s life -- actually her new identity… & over a period of time she evolves as a new person… emotionally, mentally & psychologically. By heart & soul she becomes a part of the new family .. if a girl can do all this & much more & continues to do all this life long unconditionally .. then what’s in a surname .. why can’t she accept a name.

I too think of equality.. but where it makes significance. Talk of equality in education, rights, freedom, profession, respect, expression.. places where it will matter & effect.. but what’s in the name ? Being educated, independent, 21st century women.. all is one thing.. education teaches to become more mature in thought & not rebellious in thought .. it gives u tools to logically understand values & traditions .. but not change rules & values which have no –ve impact.

For sure, value systems amend over time & if they will not, then, society would degenerate and stagnate. But before challenging traditional value system, it would be intelligent to question the need for change & also question arena of change- Is our value system really old-fashioned, or do we need to change some common practices that are plaguing our society in their current form? If we really want to challenge something.. let’s challenge dowry system, female infanticide, etc …….

Modern day women is educated, independent, more confident -- in their own personal capacity they may have become more articulate & self-determined, both in and out of the house, which though makes her technically equal partner, but biologically and psychologically she needs to belong to a man. Before marriage she is under the protection of her father & after she is married, she is under the protection of her husband. The husband is responsible of her care & well being. So, there is nothing wrong in adopting the husband's surname.

If identity is in a name .. then for me name is something more precious than surname!! You know me by my name as do all my friends and acquaintances. Does it matter what my surname was pre-marriage?

To counter the argument of technical formalities involved in surname change.. I would just say that few days or months of mere paper work is worth the emotional gain one would get out of this change.

I am not married yet, but when I do, honestly I would like to change my surname.. as I think apart from other things, it also gives an one family feel. I do like my present surname though, but I would like my husband, myself & our kids, all to have the same surname. Emotions and feelings are more important than name or any materialistic thing which over a period of time loses its significance…

India has a very beautiful family culture.. let’s not destroy it because we are “educated, modern & independent” .. Let’s keep our culture alive!!

These are just my feelings & anyone & anybody is open to feel otherwise :)