[D-TO-D] HECTIC but GRATIFYING DAY.

I generally hate repetitiveness & whenever I do something different from daily agenda, I feel very happy & full of life. Yesterday was a very hectic day. It is not that I am not used to such hectic schedules, but yesterday was very fruitful & at the end of the day even after being so tired, I was very relaxed & satisfied. Sometimes, small things give us so much contentment & pleasure.

Yesterday I had pile to activities to be done, so I decided to take a day-off from office to complete my tasks. I had to submit my IETE project synopsis & my examination form & it was last day…… I know I have very bad habit of procrastinating things & finally stress myself in the end. But somehow this time it was my office project which kept me busy and so I couldn’t finish up things before time, again an excuse probably to hide my laziness. Anyways, but a day before yesterday, in the late evening I got a call from my cousin Priyanka, in agra, telling that she needs her class XIIth class reference books urgently. The only way to send her the books was to give books to her brother Monu, who was coming for his Infosys interview in greater noida. So, instantly my plan of taking a day-off was cancelled. If submitting my project report & form was important, then giving her books was altogether more urgent & important.
So, right in the morning like any other day, I was in office. I had to complete my project synopsis, take print outs, fill forms & even make CV of my project guide & this all took almost 2hrs. Not only project synopsis had to be finalized, but I had to get it reviewed also. Thanks to amit_c who instantly helped me & checked my complete synopsis & even helped me in brainstorming a new name of my project. But, time always proves that murphy’s laws exist; and it happened with me too. Finally when I was ready with everything, my project guide amit_b was missing for final signatures, his last minute meeting kept him busy. My mistake I shouldn’t have stacked up things for the last moment….. old habits are hard to die!! So, I finally started from my place around 11. In the mean time I tried hard to contact my cousin, but he was by no means reachable, as he was busy with his written test. Imagine the situation, he was not reachable, I didn’t knew the name of the college he was in (I only knew that he is in knowledge park III), I had to give him books by all means today, submit my report in far end of noida & then go all the way to Lodhi road to submit my form and all this to be done before 5 in the evening. Again, I would say my mistake, I spoke to my cousin atleast eight times yesterday, but didn’t ask name of the college.

And then, I was in bank for making the drafts to be submitted with my form & report. Ten minute job took atleast 45minutes!! Ah! A one more sigh of relief, I heard a response from the other end on my cousin’s cell phone. I was bit surprised to hear an elderly female responding on other end….. got scared that may be someone stole his cell or what? Thank god, it was his friend’s mom responding on the other end. Don’t know why such negative thoughts instantly strike mind. I got the address of the college at last & I left my office around twelve noon……… almost two hours late!!

With a big bag of books weighing not less 8-9kgs, I started not knowing in which direction to go for “knowledge park III”. I assumed that I am in knowledge park II & knowledge park III will be somewhere nearby only. But, to my surprise it was around 6-7 km’s far from my place & no conveyance was available. Sun was shining at it’s peak & in the scorching heat of sun, with that heavy bag of books I was walking & walking without any clue where this sector would be. After enquiring from couple of people and getting a disappointing reply, I continued walking in the hope that there will be some map ahead to guide me. It was blistering and I was having a good sun bath, probably an afternoon walk. At last, after walking for around 3 km’s, someone told me that my destination was only 1.5 km’s away….. Sigh of relief. After walking apx. this much distance, I enquired again & came to know that it is not a walk able distance & I should go to rickshaw stand & from there make a move. What a hi-tech city, just to get a rickshaw so that u can save some walk, u need to walk 5km’s…… funny isn’t it !! I thought it must not be too far by rickshaw, but it took me 25 minutes by rickshaw to reach there…….. thank god I didn’t walk this much. It was so hot as though sun will if not shine today, then when will he shine, but I was not incensed; I was just bit tensed that how will I be able to meet my other deadlines.
And then there I was, at my final destination. Unfortunately, I couldn’t meet my cousin as he was still busy with his written test. I handed over the bag of books to the same lady who picked up the phone & waited for some time to check if somehow I can meet my cousin. There was no possibility of meeting him and I had to rush, so that I can catch my 1P.M. office bus to Noida, which I managed to get. I was happy in the end, that, now Priyanka will get her books on time & will be able to do her exams well!!

On the way, I thoroughly enjoyed my travel with genial chat with my bua in Agra. We were discussing my cousins written & interview with infy(infosys). Fear & tension was clear in her voice. I admire the way she kept herself composed & was ready to accept any result. I guess her fear was defensible, after all, it was not just an interview result, but it was future deciding result; not only monu’s future, but also it was going to decide their future. And the way she & jijaji have slogged to raise up their kids to this level is worth rewarding. And, I really admire her endurance; still she was saying that whether he gets this job or not, its okay, atleast he will gain experience. Well, we ended the conversation on a positive note & hope that everything goes fine with him.

So, one task was over and I was satisfied that with my small effort, I could save their money as well as give her books on time.

Now, I was all set to complete my second set of work. Luckily I got my office bus & comfortably I reached Noida around 1:45P.M. Now, I had to go all the way to end of Noida to submit my project synopsis & only way to reach there was again rickshaw and it takes around 40 minutes to reach there. I was too averse to travel all the way to that end, but had no option. Just, by chance, I called up my project guide to tell him that I was coming to submit the report & then he said that I need to submit it directly in Janak Puri. Thank god I proactively enquired before leaving; else one more sun-bath would have sure roasted me. Proactiveness always helps………
Now since, my some time was saved, I thought of going inside old office & meeting some of old friends. After spending some time with them, I started for my next work at Lodhi road. As it was too hot n time was a crunch, so I took an auto & managed to reach my IETE headquarters well on time. To my utter surprise, that place was heavily crowded. There were others also like me, who keep things for the end. Finally, I settled my self in one secluded corner and started filling my form. This was the worst thing that I have gone to submit the form, without even filling it J Anyways, this time fast enough to complete everything, right from filling the form, writing all applications, to getting it attested. But, now it was time for major activity. I had to take some special permission for appearing in electives & practical’s. Today, luck decided to favor me, and things themselves took a smooth and startling path. It is almost impossible to enter examination deptt. & for anything important u need to speak to the concern person over phone only, but I was lucky enough to get access inside examination deptt. & talk directly to head of the deptt., who was patient enough to give ear to my concerns. Luckily, everything got settled in minutes, without me coming to blows for it. When I came out of the centre, I couldn’t believe that I had so many things going in my favor, gosh! I was happy that luck was with!!
It was around half past three, when I came out of DHQ, and by this time I was ravenous, as since morning, only feast my stomach had was a glass of milk & some water. So, I planned to have some nice spicy chaat-pakori at famous shop near upsc, which also happened to be on my way to cp from where I had to catch metro, to reach another end of Delhi. But, I guess today food was not made for my plate…… after reaching upsc, I realized the shops were far from the main road & going alone there was not good. I finally decided to skip my food there too and went ahead towards CP.

I must say metro rail is a boon for Delhities, especially for long route travels. I took metro from CP to Janak Puri & reached there in just about 40 minutes. From there I took bus to reach my IETE, Local centre. I was lucky enough to reach there just on time and submitted my Project synopsis. Ah! What a relief……… atlast all work done, though I had to travel apx. 80-90Kms. from one end of UP to another end of Delhi……… But, good, it was great!!

On reaching home, I just attacked food to get set in action again, as there was no time for putting feet up……… one really important work for the day was left. Know what ??
Okay, well let me tell. On Sunday night I had a dream in which I saw my dadaji, who is no more. I saw that we were sitting in our old house and talking & he asked me to make a dish called “shahi tukra” He loved sweets & I loved to do anything for him. Next morning when I told this at home, then mummy told me that I should cook what he had asked for & distribute it to poor children. According to hindu mythology, we can serve to our ancestors, who are no more with us, by feeding the poor & needy people. So, today was Tuesday & many children sit outside temple in the evening. Though I was completely drained, but still this was the highest priority & had to do it. So, I cooked the dish & went to temple for the distribution to children. I was so satisfied & happy while distributing! Whether truth or myth, I don’t know, but I believed that it will reach my dadaji, sure not in the form of food, but certainly in the form of satisfaction to soul, that through his desire, few needy people could fill their stomach. For me also, it was more satisfying that, I fulfilled my dadaji’s desire.

And something really exciting was in store for the day………. Monu called up to tell that he had cleared his Infoysis written exam. What was more thrilling was that out of 1200 students who appeared, he was in top10. The time between his written result to interview, as much tough for all of us here, as much as for him there & for his parents in agra. And, soon after his interview, when he again called up, his first words were, “Didi result will be declared later, but I have got it”, there was no doubt in his voice. He was almost sure to get through his selection procedure. We all only knew how important it was for him to get this job, and thank god, everything went well with him, hard work and good deeds always pay.

So, the day finally came to an end……… completely gratifying in every sense of the word.

[TRIP] Mystical Experience.

High altitudes have always been a symbol of the spiritual quest.

I was in Dalhousie with my friends. It was a nice pleasant morning and an experience to be awake and being in lap of nature before the Sun was quite refreshing. I wanted to enjoy the nature.s beauty in the freshness of morning sun. I found it too precious to loose while sleeping. No one was up yet & I alone was enjoying the view, the mountains, the pine trees, the brushing morning air and the quiet atmosphere of nature. It was a fantastic. The distant snow covered mountain peaks gave a spectacular view. Suddenly it struck that one of the mountain was an almost perfect silhouette of Lord Shiva. The effect it produced was an almost mesmerizing effect. My mind dwelled upon the majestic figure of the Lord Shiva.

The scene was both calming and inspiring. The beauty soothed the mind. That peak stood distinctly out against the morning sky. I sat there for quite sometime watching the sight. I was lost in profound contemplation.
Suddenly, a monkey appeared from nowhere at hotel.s terrace and I had no other option but to rush inside my room. I was too hesitant to loose even a glimpse of Lord Shiva and so, I looked for an appropriate position from my room.s big glass window from where the majestic figure of divinity was clearly visible. I stood there continuously staring at the sacred mountain and meditating on Shiv ji.s charisma.

It was a breath taking; I would call it a truly divine experience. I tried to capture this view in handy cam, but was unable to.

Once monkey was gone, I went out again and settled down in meditative posture and started to turn my rosary continuously chanting "om namah shivay" and then I heard ardas happening somewhere. I tried hard to locate gurudwara from where the voice of ardas was happening. It seemed as though voice was coming from pine forest beneath. Nothing could be as beautiful as that. Two supreme powers in whom my faith has always resided were there with me and I got magnificent spiritual experience. As sun ascended, the silhouette slowing started fading out. But, the impression it left will always remain alive in my mind.

I was reluctance to leave that spot. My thoughts returned again and again to that sacred mountain. Paying my last tributes to Shiv ji with heavy heart we left that place for Khajjiar and from there way back to Delhi. When we were coming back from Khajjiar through Dalhousie, I wanted to visit that place again, just to get one more last glimpse of the sacred mountain. Since, we were short of time, so I didn.task anyone to go there and also it was not easy explaining to others the importance I felt for that place. To my utter surprise, Shweta had left one of her notebooks in the hotel and we had to go to pick that up. I was so happy that my inner desire of getting just one lastglimpse got fulfilled. This time tough, in evening sun, silhouette was not very clear but still presence of divine figure could be felt.Shweta could not get her copy back but I got my last darshan!!

I understand that this revelation might be just a phenomenological experience that generally happens in higher altitudes or it may be just a 3D effect because of rays of sun falling in a particular direction creating imaginary divine figure, but for me it was a truly mystical experience which gave me deeper sense of satisfaction and inner happiness.

[TRIP] It helped me conquer my fear.

The fear of heights became an irrational obsession for me, so bad that I was too frightened to even use an escalator in malls/metro stations etc. So imagine what would happen if someone with that level of fear had to travel in mountains.

Last week I went for a trip with my friends to Dharamsala & Dalhousie. It was not my first trip to hills, I have traveled a lot to hill stations, but over a period of time, my fear has grown stronger & stronger only. This time however, to my surprise it was pretty too much and I don’t know why?

I guess if someone is not scared of altitudes, if they don't have fear of heights, then it's really hard to explain them the phobia of height. Because it is...I know it's irrational. They probably believed that they won’t fall, and there is nothing scary about the roads, trek, height etc., but for me, that fear was killing, an almost unbearable feeling that something unusual is waiting at the next turn……… Although I am a very positive person by nature, but I have always feared death.

In Dharamsala, I missed trekking to Bhagsunath falls. At Bhagsunath falls, a deep valley and thin stream of water-fall greeted us. I never ventured near water-fall, instead I spent some time relaxing at the place and enjoyed the beauty while all others except Amit & Aayush, trekked down to the falls. View was really breath taking and I was enjoying taking shots with my handy cam. The way downwards was bit scary for me and I didn’t had enough confidence that I would be able to reach there. So, I preferred not going to falls. But, then some local people told that we can travel to the point from where the falls originate & according to them it was much simple to go there (at least they felt so!!) So, when others came back, I asked them to go for that trek and all agreed. The trek was simple in a way that you do not need to climb up or down this hilly terrain; it was a straight path upwards but dangerously damaged. One foot here or there, u will be welcomed in heaven :-). Then there was a point at slight height which looked really scary, so I preferred staying back and thought of not going beyond that point. But then Sambit also preferred to stay with me; I didn't felt like spoiling his fun 'coz of me, so I went ahead. I somehow managed to cross that point and went a little ahead, soon after that we saw that trek was becoming difficult and we decided to take a back turn. Way back when we reached that deadly point again, I was stuck!! My fear caught me…..The view of sheer height while crossing was enough to ignite jitters. But that's it. I'm not...I couldn't move any forward..... For once I thought I would jump from there. If I was to crawl and shut my eyes….. Oh, no way! I'm not... There is no way in the world I'm going any further than that. I was shouting Mummy save, Mummy save. I was feeling vulnerable and distressed. May be I was making fun of me, or a funny scene for others, but I was helpless. U won't believe but for once I thought of jumping from there. I felt short of energy and breath. But, thanks to Amit, Sambit & Anuj, with whose help I managed to cross that region. After coming back everyone laughed at me...... and even I laughed at myself (as I believe that it is better to laugh at yourself first before anyone laughs at you, by this u are least hurt) and in a lighter spirit chapter closed.

Throughout the trip, there were many places where I was too scared, but the most deadly, dangerous part was, my travel on the last day of our trip from Dalhousie to Khajjiar. Everyone was enjoying the view, but again my phobia trapped me. My heart beat got rapid and I was getting short of breath and that feeling was really awful..... that was as bad as it gets. As we progressed, the process became more and more like torture. When the railings were lower or non-existent it was more frightening. The paths were steep and treacherous. Each new turn brought a whole new wave of gut-wrenching panic. I shouted, I screamed!! Everyone told me to close my eyes, but …….. no nothing, that will not help, fear was in my mind and in my heart, and only way to escape was closing my thought process. So much negativity became a burden to handle. I could not enjoy the view, the snow clad mountains, Himalayan peaks, the valley, the pine tree forest, the nature, nothing. I was literally into tears. At one point of time, I asked my friends to leave me there only & pick me up on return. Throughout that feeling was awful…..

And now, it got so bad, that everything started messing up. I suddenly realized that my fear, my phobia, my weakness was being made fun of!! I felt bad, really very bad. It was hurting me that my own friends are making fun of my weakness. I felt like insulted on my distressed condition. But, I preferred to keep quite. Everyone thought that I was acting like a kid. I could see my phobia being laughed at and I was feeling very terrible and actually very alone and neglected within my own friends. It was a bad emotional state. I was helpless..... really helpless. I started feeling isolated, may be because I was becoming a spoil sport, probably my screams were disturbing everyone’s mood. I could no longer take all this in lighter spirit, but at the same time didn’t want to react..... why to spoil the mood and fun that too in last stage of such an enjoyable trip!! It's easy to ignore tahn react :)

We enjoyed for sometime in Khajjiar. It was a beautiful place and very scenic. But, again I was feeling very ignored there, but ensured that no one should be able to feel that I am getting hurt. I kept myself busy with handycam capturing scenic beauty. Though I was enjoying, but deep inside fear of returning through same path was there.

And then I thought that I will not let my fear come out, I will not allow anyone any longer to make fun of my fears. I have always believed that everything is state of mind and so now I spent few minutes with my inner self and conditioned my mind. I passed strong instructions to my mind to face the fears. I needed to learn to confront my fears. I must not fear. Sometimes the best approach is to be absolutely determined and force one's body to react despite the fear as an act of willpower.

I prayed to my god, also to my reiki god, covered myself with reiki light and made a firm belief that nothing is going to happen. I prayed to god that he has to take care of me and whatever will happen, will happen with his wish. Now I was in complete sink with him. I told myself that, even if I will be scared, I will kill my reactions, my emotions inside. Not even a single scream should come out of me was my affirmation. My belief was strong, my affirmation was strong, my willpower was strong and this time I was strong and committed to face my fears.

And as the cab started, with a grim determination I started turning my rosary within my fingers. I was reminding myself again & again of my affirmations. This time I too was enjoying the view, the mountains, and the snow-clad peaks. The dense pine forest I feared while going up, but this time I stared them back and said I no longer fear you. I saw every turn, every trail, in face of which I was scared. Though my phobia didn’t leave me completely, but at least I was not awful, especially for others. In several places I just closed my eyes and hoped for the best when we negotiated the twists. Soon, we were back in Dalhousie. The journey that was an unending torture while going looked so small at the time of return.

It was good. I overpowered my fear. I was no longer feeling hurt because of my friends’ attitude, as that only helped me conquer my fears!!!!!!!!

“Whatever happens happens for the best!!”